Sometimes it's easy to forget that the man I love is sick.I look at him & he's the picture of health. He works every day that there's work to be had. He is more physically fit than he has been in years. He has energy that surpasses mine x10 on a daily basis....
....But then sometimes reality hits so hard that it takes my breath away. It hits me like a ton of bricks at the oddest moments.
Tonight, again, there were friends outside our home, singing songs of Christ's birth, songs of joy...& all I wanted to do was bury my face in a pillow & cry till there was nothing left of my tears.
Again, when I wrapped gifts for the children that weren't provided by us.
Sometimes my Faith is weak.
Sometimes, my mind wanders & I wonder how I would make it through the day to day if I had to do it alone.
Sometimes the journey looks too hard & I hardly have the energy to get up & take care of daily tasks.
Sometimes I look into the faces of our dear children & wonder how they would ever survive without the daddy they love so dearly....
....In the hardest of those moments, I remember. I remember the ones who have taken my hands & looked straight into my eyes & said they believe, with me, that I will have the man I love by my side for a very long time. I remember promises that Jesus gave us, at very specific times of doubt, throughout this journey. I remember words, spoken by dear friends, words of truth & hope, words of life. I remember prayers, said on our behalf...
You may think a simple prayer isn't much-it's everything. You may look into our faces & not have the words-a hug is worth a thousand words.
We have been truly humbled by the out-pouring of love & generosity that has been shown to us from our families, friends, church families & community.
Praying someday we will be given the opportunity to pay it forward.
Wishing you all a Blessed Christmas,
Andy, Ruth & kiddos