Saturday, October 25, 2014

2 weeks that were

The last 2 weeks have been a blur of emotions, weddings, doctor appointments, neglected children...I feel as if I don't document it, then it never happened & it was all for naught...wasted.
It all started with a doctor appointment that would change the course of the journey in a very real way. The tumors have grown, Husband has 2-3 months before the tumor pushes his small intestine completely closed. Chemotherapy is his only chance at giving him more time-we need more time. He signs consent forms giving them permission to start treatment as soon as insurance clears. 
I'm committed to help coordinate a has an allergic reaction to milk & becomes sick...2 full days of sitters, putting children here & there as I help create the day of her dreams...dreams & wishes are carried out in the midst of a blustery, cold to the bone, rainy day. Warm, salty tears weren't noticed as the bone chilling rain came pouring down intermittently...
The Dr. calls. Chemotherapy starts Wednesday. We mentally prepare ourselves for the side affects that come with chemo. Fatigue. Nausea. Skin irritations. Hair loss. Decrease in white & red blood cells.
My mind is spinning. Will Husband be able to continue to work? Will he have enough energy to keep up with the 5 littles? Will his quality of life be the same after chemo?
Wednesday comes too soon...Husband sits in a stiff- backed, cold, plastic recliner while potent drugs are pumped through his veins. Grabbing a hold of tumors, shrinking to give him more time...I pray.
3 days, of the 5 littles being put to sitters while I sit beside Husband, praying for time, so much more time. Praying for no side affects, no suffering.
We make it through 3 days of doctor appointments, Bio therapy & chemotherapy. 
No time to breathe. There are things that need done. Food needs ordered & prepped for a fund raising meal that will help off-set medical expenses...
It feels as if the littles have bickered for days, the babies can't sleep-mama & daddy try for hours to get babies to sleep. All they need is to be loved on. It's hard to give love when there is nothing left to give. We are physically & emotionally spent.
Food is prepped, we are ready.
I take the littles home & I hold them, taking a few moments with each one as I tuck them in to get some much needed rest, much needed time at home, much needed love & attention from mama.
As I lay with the tiniest little, he fights sleep, scared that mama won't be there when he wakes. He takes my hand in his, holding tightly till sleep finally takes him. Blessed rest comes, hours...days of stress finally melt away & sleep comes. It will be okay.
Twenty-four hours...then forty-eight hours after chemo have passed. No side affects. God answers our prayers.
Cancer doesn't just affect the individual, cancer affects the whole family...friends.
We need your continued prayers. For mental, physical & spiritual strength, to endure the ride this journey has taken us on.
Someday, it will all be okay again...someday.

Friday, October 3, 2014

In my Kitchen Today: Perfect(every time)Homemade Bread

My mom messaged me last night, asking if I would have time to make a batch of homemade bread for her. I was planning to make some today anyway, why not make enough for her as well...

You can use sprouted grains, whole wheat or white flour with this recipe & it will be perfect every time. Just don't supplement, change out or eliminate  any of the other ingredients or you will get a flop. And follow the recipe precisely. 

If you own the cookbook "Healthy Choices" It's the recipe on page 57. If not, then I have it here for you...
Perfect Whole Wheat Bread
4 1/2 cups lukewarm water
3/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1/2 cup honey
3 Tbs. instant yeast
2 Tbs. lecithin granules(non GMO)
2 heaping Tbs. wheat gluten
2 Tbs. sea salt
12-14 cups whole wheat flour(I use fresh milled spelt)
-In my mixer, I add the first 7 ingredients in the order given. Mix lightly to incorporate all the ingredients. Then add 5 cups flour & mix till flour is all incorporated. Now mix 6 cup more flour & mix on low till well mixed. Keep adding flour by 1/2 cup-fulls till dough pulls away from the side of the bowl. knead on low speed for 10 minutes then let rest for 5 minutes. 
-I use the small bread pans from Wal-mart. They sell for under 1.00 & they are a perfect loaf size. Divide dough into 5 parts. Roll out each part till about 1/2 inch thickness, then roll it up, tucking the ends in as you go. Place in a well greased bread pan.
-place inside the oven(turned off & closed) for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, turn oven to 300' leaving loaves inside. bake for approximately 30 minutes till golden brown.

I've been making this bread recipe weekly(or more) for about 6 months & have never had it flop(except when I've tried to change it up) 
It's dense, super soft, & we even used it in place of hotdog buns this summer, when we had cookouts. 
It won't get crumbly  & fall apart, not even when wrapped around a hotdog :)

A little tip my mom passed on to me: "Rainy days are the best days to bake good homemade bread. the extra moisture in the air helps the bread to rise beautifully"

Happy, Rainy, Friday!