Where do I start?... My brain feels like it's in fast forward mode & I can't keep up. There are so many things I want to share here today but I'm having a hard time putting everything into coherent sentences.

    I wonder how often I've told my friends, who are currently or have in the past had to deal with major life struggles, that they need to tell us what their needs are so we can help. If we don't know, we can't help.

    When life threw us this curve ball called cancer, people told us the same thing, it's very humbling having to ask for help, but we are really struggling these last few weeks. Andy & I feel like strangers in the night. There is literally no time to connect. The little bit of time that we do have together after Dr. appointments, is spent with the children, trying to keep life as normal as possible for them. I guess what we are asking is, if you are a local youth girl, single lady, or even a couple with no children reading this & you enjoy being with children, we would love to have you in our home, to give the children dinner & tuck them into bed. I would love to be able to go with Andy to a therapy session then have time to sit at a coffee shop & be able to connect with my Husband without any interruptions, where it's just us & a few hours, to cry together, pray together, catch up with life as we know it now.

    Or if you are a mom, who knows how difficult it can be to get a meal on the table under 'normal' circumstances, & would like to help out with a meal...it would never be turned down here :)

    Today I put in a load of laundry, started lunch then went out to the garage to put trash in the recycling bins, only to find that the laundry room was filled with smoke, I immediately assumed it was the washing machine, when I opened the top, smoke came billowing out . Our washing machine of 11years has finally called it quits, had it not been for the wet laundry in the washer, it would have gone up in flames. I'm so grateful God had His angels watching out for us today. But we are now desperately in need of a dependable washing machine, with 7 people in the household, laundry piles up very quickly. Our dryer is also about to give out, the heating element is shot & it takes multiple cycles sometimes to get the clothes dry.  If anyone has a good/dependable washing machine/dryer that you don't need, please let us know. We aren't looking for a hand out, we just can't afford brand news one right now. we are more than willing to pay for good-dependable used ones.

 

    Tonight we meet with Andy's natural Dr. to finally get some updates & to see what type of progress he is making & if the regimen that he is on is helping him. Pleas keep us in your prayers this evening that God would prepare us for whatever news we may get & wisdom to make decisions if there is anything we may need to change.

The hard days.

I sit here, staring at my computer screen thinking, am I really going to put my thoughts here for all to see? The answer is yes, I don't believe in always posting the good days, the days where we have been blessed beyond words, where things go right and good! Because they aren't always, some days are dark, overwhelming & I get so frustrated & angry.

When we found out Andy had cancer, there was never any doubt that he would be healed, but this emotional roller coaster was never supposed to be part of the journey & sometimes it doesn't even directly involve the journey. There are days when I feel as if I'm constantly treading water, barely able to keep my head above the waves that come crashing in. On some of those same days I sometimes wonder, how would it feel to just stop treading, to sink into an oblivion of nothing.

This past week there were many days like this. Not only are we still adjusting to a new way of life that brings many changes, but dear little man is teething like nothing I've ever seen before. Four days of holding my baby, as I listened to him cry, feeling completely helpless as I try yet another thing to ease his pain. Nothing seems to work so I hold him a little tighter, crying-praying with him that I could somehow take the pain for him as he vomits due to the extreme pain he is in. Those 4oz. of warm milk that I tried so hard to get him to drink, all coming back up & I wonder how his little body, so much smaller than most his age can possibly afford to lose more weight.

In the darkest of those moments, God sends people to bring comfort.

I got a text message awhile back that I just skimmed over a little bit, but today I took the time to really read it Isaiah 40:28-31 Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of His understanding. He gives power to the weak & strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak & tired & young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run & not grow weary. They will walk & not faint...He really does understand the way that I feel, it's ok to get frustrated with the journey, it's ok to get angry at the circumstances, it's ok to feel like you don't want to go on, as long as I take those feelings to God, give them to the One person who understands every trial I am going through. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I sometimes take those feelings out on the people around me, the ones I love the most, instead of giving it to God, & it's not pretty. I am ever so grateful that my family offers grace in those times. Thankful that I have a forgiving Father who reaches out & embraces the ugly & reminds me again that I'm not perfect,(and don't have to be)but I am forgiven.

And I am beyond grateful for those times that you all have listened to that still small voice & have given notes, cards text messages, meals & a helping hand  reminding me that we are not alone on this journey. Bless you for caring!

 



Update-October 13

   Today I've gotten several phone calls asking how Andy is doing & I realized I haven't updated in awhile.

   The tumor on Andy's neck continues to shrink-good things are happening there! Praise God!

   There have been no repeat scans done as of yet but according to our Natural Dr., things are looking good. We are due for an update here soon so we should have more info for you all later.

I did receive a call from Andy's oncologist this week that once again confirmed God's hand in this whole journey! They had originally staged Andy at grade 3/stage 4, meaning it was an aggressive cancer, throughout most of his body.

  At this point, if we had gone through with chemo, Andy would have received 2 rounds of the most aggressive/highly toxic chemotherapy.

   We are so thankful today that God lead us down a different path!

   The oncologist had sent the biopsies to Cleveland for further-more in-depth testing & was calling us to tell us that Andy actually had grade 2/stage 4 cancer. Which would have been treated with a much less aggressive chemotherapy regimen.

   Again, so thankful we chose not to go that route! His body would literally have been pumped full of toxic drugs that it didn't really need.

  We have learned, so far, on this journey, that we may not always know why God does what He does, but He only wants what is best for us & He is taking care of us each step of this journey. All He is asking us to do is trust Him.

   This Saturday, Andy will be going in for a minor, outpatient procedure where they will be removing the port that was implanted to administer the chemo-it will not be needed!

   We were advised to do repeat CAT scans every 3months to track his progress & in the event the Dr.s would need to step in & do something, above & beyond what we are doing now(but we are praying & believing that that will not be necessary!)they would be on top of things & know what is going on.

 Thank you for all the prayers sent on our behalf-please continue to pray & we will update as we get more information on Andy's progress.

 

Andy, Ruth & kiddos